Somethin’ to feed da B.O.R.E.D.O.M

Getting out…
of this manic depressive state
of being a psychotic biatch
of all the pent-up angst
of self-blaming nature

to smell the humidity in the air, fix the rose tinted glasses that had been smashed to over a zillion pieces, rectify what is possible and accept that self is only human with limitations…

After realising that the brain cells are decreasing slowly from the past few weeks of self-torture and hibernation…

Forced self to swallow personal fear to put on the jogging shoes and armed with the Ipod, marched down the stairs at almost quarter past midnight to go J.O.G.G.I.N.G in the park. Surprised my poor daddy who gave the disbelieving look when I walked out of the room in my baby sis’ shorts and told him that I wanted to go jogging. Managed to startled the poor ‘bangla’ at the 7th floor who was busy being lovey-dovey over the phone at the poorly lighted stairways on the way down…and then I took a deep breathe and started the inevitable…
The night jog seemed to have made self more rational in more ways than imagined…(well…despite the poorly clocked time of almost 20 mins to cover just 1.6km…yikes! AND the fact that I hate to jog!) There were a few health freaks at the fitness station so I was not the only crazy one to this in the middle of the night.

There ARE things that I CANNOT change no matter how much I want to so Instead of wishing for the impossibe, I should focus on what I CAN change and make better. I NEED TO KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT.

For all my loved ones (AND THAT INCLUDES THAT ONE IN THE ‘MIDDLE OF THE JUNGLE’), the rise of the almost dead being amongst the ashes would have been impossible without all of you…Love you all…Gomenasai and thank you for always believing…And of all these beloved people that had been tortured by my erratic behaviour the past few weeks, I guess the one in the jungle got the bulk of it…for which I am so sorry for, sayang…whatever happens all I have to do is remember our beginning in Hobart and EVERYTHING that we had gone through together to put a smile and the faith back on…Thank you for ‘always being by my side’  all these times and not giving up when I had faltered and almost thrown it all away in my states of craziness, irrationality, brattiness and bitchiness. You never cease to amaze me with your ‘never say die’ attitude because you are one of the very few people that can actually cater to my impossible behaviour calmly and patiently without running away in fear…heh…

That is one of the valuable things that I have learned…Injecting back the fighting spirit with renewed promise and passion to not give up and stare adversity in the face.

Ending this piece with a quote by one of the ministers in Singapore, Dr Vivian Balakrishnan,

"LIKE EVERYTHING THAT WE DO IN SINGAPORE, WE DO IT WELL AND WE DO IT TO WIN."

All day

Staring at the ceiling

Making friends with shadows on my wall

All night

Hearing voices telling me

That I should get some sleep

Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on

I’m feeling like I’m headed for a

Breakdown

I don’t know why

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell

I know, right now you can’t tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see

A different side of me

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired

I know, right now you don’t care

But soon enough you’re gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Me

Talking to myself in public

Dodging glances on the train

I know

I know they’ve all been talking ’bout me

I can hear them whisper

And it makes me think there must be something wrong

With me

Out of all the hours thinking

Somehow

I’ve lost my mind

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell

I know, right now you can’t tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see

A different side of me

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired

I know right now you don’t care

But soon enough you’re gonna think of me

And how I used to be

I been talking in my sleep

Pretty soon they’ll come to get me

Yeah, they’re taking me away

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell

I know, right now you can’t tell

But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see

A different side of me

I’m not crazy I’m just a little impaired

I know, right now you don’t care

But soon enough you’re gonna think of me

And how I used to be

Hey, how I used to be

How I used to be, yeah

Well I’m just a little unwell

How I used to be

How I used to be

I don’t know why
You want to follow me tonight
When the rest of the world
With whom I’ve crossed and I’ve quarreled
Lets me down so
For a thousand reasons that I know of
To share forever the unrest

With all the demons I possess
Beneath the silver moon

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely

I don’t want to fight
I’m tired of being sorry

8th and ocean drive
With all the vampires and their brides
We’re all bloodless and blind

And longing for a life
Beyond the silver moon

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don’t want to fight
I’m tired of being sorry
I’m standing in the street
Crying out for you

No one sees me
But the silver moon

So far away - so outer space
I’ve trashed myself - I’ve lost my way

I’ve got to get to you got to get to you

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don’t want to fight
I’m tired of being sorry

I’m standing in the street
Crying out for you

No one sees me
But the silver moon

Jangan lagi kau sesali keputusanku

Ku tak ingin kau semakin kan terluka
Tak ingin ku paksakan cinta ini

Meski tiada sanggup untuk kau terima
Aku memang manusia paling berdosa
Khianati rasa demi keinginan semu

Lebih baik jangan mencintaiku aku dan semua hatiku
Karena takkan pernah kau temui, cinta sejati

reff:
Berakhirlah sudah semua kisah ini
Dan jangan kau tangisi lagi
Sekalipun aku takkan pernah mencoba kembali padamu

Sejuta kata maaf terasa kan percuma

Sebab rasa ku tlah mati untuk menyadarinya
Semoga saja kan kau dapati
Hati yg tulus mencintaimu
Tapi bukan aku

Kris Dayanti - I’m Sorry Goodbye

Sebelum bertemu denganmu
Diriku bahagia

Semenjak bertemu denganmu
Ku makin bahagia..Semakin lama aku
Semakin tau tentang engkau
Sedikit kecewa

Ternyata engkau tak baik

Pertama tama semua manis
Yang engkau berikan
Membuat aku merasakan
Cinta sebenarnya…Semakin hari
Semakin terungkap
Yang sesungguhnya
Kumakin kecewa
Ternyata kau penuh dusta

Reff:
Maafkan ku harus pergi
Ku tak suka dengan ini

Aku tak bodoh
Seperti kekasihmu yang lain….

Terima kasih oh Tuhan
Tunjukkan siapa dia
Maaf kita putus
So thank you so much
I’m sorry good bye

Seribu cara kau membuat
Ku dengan puitis
Tapi kau lupa bahwa
Ku juga manusia
Yang punya mata
Perihnya hati dan perasaan……

Maaf aku pergi
Dan takkan untukmu lagi
(i’m sorry good bye)
Ku tak suka dengan ini

Aku tak bodoh
Maafkan ku harus pergi

Tak seperti kekasihmu yang lain

Terimakasih oh Tuhan
Tunjukkan siapa dia
Maaf kita putus

So thank you so much
I’m sorry good bye

I don’t need your sympathy
There’s nothing you can say or do for me
And I don’t want a miracle

You’ll never change for no one

I hear your reasons why
Where did you sleep last night?

And was she worth it, was she worth it?

‘Cos I’m strong enough

To live without you
Strong enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I’m strong enough
To know you gotta go

There’s no more to say
So save your breath
And then walk away
No matter what I hear you say
I’m strong enough to know you gotta go

So you feel misunderstood
Baby, have I got news for you

On being used, I could write a book

You don’t wanna hear about it

I’ve been losing sleep
You’ve been going cheap

She ain’t worth half of me it’s true
I’m telling you

Now I’m strong enough to live without you
Strong enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I’m strong enough
To know you gotta go

Come hell or waters high

You’ll never see me cry
This is our last goodbye, it’s true

I’m telling you
That I’m strong enough to live without you
Stron enough and I quit crying
Long enough now I’m strong enough
To know you gotta go

There’s no more to say
So save your breath
And you walk away
No matter what I hear you say
I’m strong enough to know you gotta go

Yeah, here we go for the hundredth time
Hand grenade pins in every line
Throw ‘em up and let something shine

Going out of my fucking mind

Filthy mouth, no excuse

Find a new place to hang this noose
String me up from atop these roofs
Knot it tight so I won’t get loose

Truth is you can stop and stare
Bled myself out and no one cares
Dug the trench out, lay down there
With a shovel up out of reach somewhere

Yeah, someone pour it in
Make it a dirt dance floor again
Say your prayers and stomp it out
When they bring that chorus in

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away
I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away
I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

Just to throw it away
Just to throw it away
I bleed it out

Go, stop the show
Choppy words and a sloppy flow
Shotgun, opera, lock and load
Cock it back and then watch it go

Mama help me I’ve been cursed

Death is rolling in every verse
Candy paint on his brand new hearse
Can’t contain him, he knows he works

Fuck this hurts, I won’t lie

Doesn’t matter how hard I try

Half the words don’t mean a thing
And I know that I won’t be satisfied

So why try ignoring him
Make it a dirt dance floor again

Say your prayers and stomp it out
When they bring that chorus in

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away
I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away
I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

Just to throw it away
Just to throw it away
I bleed it out

I’ve opened up these scars
I’ll make you face this
I pulled myself so far
I’ll make you, face, this, now!

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away
I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

I bleed it out digging deeper
Just to throw it away

I LOVE MAROON 5…I LOVE THIS SONG BUT I HOPE THAT I WON’T EVER HAVE TO DO WHAT HE DID IN THE SONG…HAHA…SHOOT SOMEONE DEAD? I RATHER HAVE THE THIRD PERSON BE TORTURED SLOWLY BECAUSE KILLING IS TOO EASY AS A PUNISHMENT OR REVENGE…HAHA…

WELL…A SONG IS JUST A SONG...I HOPE *sinister smile*
man…I am feeling so evil right now…must be the lack of sleep…

________________________________________________________________________

WAKE UP CALL- MAROON 5

I didn’t hear what you were saying
I live on raw emotion baby
I answer questions never maybe
And I’m not kind if you betray me
So who the hell are you to say we
Never would have made it babe

If you needed love
Well then ask for love
Could have given love
Now I’m taking love
And it’s not my fault
Cause you both deserve
What is coming now
So don’t say a word

Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don’t you care about me anymore?
Care about me?
I don’t think so.
Six foot tall
Came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead
He won’t come around here anymore
Come around here? I don’t think so.

Would have bled to make you happy
You didn’t need to treat me that way
And now you beat me at my own game
And now I find you sleeping soundly
And your lovers screaming loudly
Hear a sound and hit the ground

If you needed love
Well then ask for love
Could have given love
Now I’m taking love
And it’s not my fault
Cause you both deserve
What’s coming now
So don’t say a word

Wake up call
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed
Don’t you care about me anymore?
Don’t you care about me? I don’t think so.
Six foot tall
Came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead
He won’t come around here anymore
Come around here?
I don’t feel so bad, I don’t feel so bad, I don’t feel so bad

I’m so sorry darling
Did I do the wrong thing?
Oh, what was I thinking?
Is his heart still beating?

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn’t stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can’t get near you now

Oh, can’t you see it baby
You’ve got me goin’ CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I’m with you
I’ll take the chance

Oh, can’t you see it baby
You’ve got me goin’ cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you…

As life goes on I’m starting to learn more and more about responsibility

I realize everything I do is affecting the people around me
So I want to take this time out to apologize for things I have done
And things that have not occurred yet
And the things they don’t want to take responsibility for

I’m sorry for the times I left you home
I was on the road and you were alone
I’m sorry for the times that I had to go
I’m sorry for the fact that I did not know
That you were sitting home just wishing we
Could go back to when it was just you and me
I’m sorry for the times I would neglect
I’m sorry for the times I disrespect

I’m sorry for the wrong things that I’ve done
I’m sorry I’m not always there for my son
I’m sorry for the fact that I’m not aware
That you can’t sleep at night when I am not there
Because I am in the streets like everyday
Sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I’m so proud to call you my girl

[Bridge]
I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can apologize for being wrong
Then it’s just a shame on me
I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me

[Chorus]
You can put the blame on me [4x]
Said you can put the blame on me [3x]
You can put the blame on me

Sorry for the things that he put you through
And all the times you didn’t know what to do
Sorry that you had to go and sell those packs
Just trying to stay busy till you heard from Dad
And you would rather be home with all your kids
As one big family with love and bliss
And even though Pops treated us like kings

He got a second wife and you didn’t agree
He got up and left you there all alone
I’m sorry that you had to do it on your own
I’m sorry that I went and added to your grief
I’m sorry that your son was once a thief
I’m sorry that I grew up way too fast
I wish I would’ve listened and not be so bad
I’m sorry your life turned out this way
I’m sorry that the FEDS came and took me away

[Bridge]

I’m sorry that it took so long to see
They were dead wrong trying to put it on me
I’m sorry that it took so long to speak
But I was on tour with Gwen Stefani
I’m sorry for the hand that she was dealt
For the embarrassment that she felt
Just a little young girl trying to have fun
Her daddy should never let her out that young
I’m sorry for Club Zen getting shut down
I hope they manage better next time around
How was I to know she was underage
In a 21 and older club they say
Why doesn’t anybody wanna take blame
Verizon backed out disgracing my name
I’m just a singer trying to entertain
Because I love my fans I’ll take that blame
Even though the blame’s on you [3x]
I’ll take that blame from you

And you can put that blame on me [2x]
You can put that blame on me
And you can put that blame on me