Dearest ‘Hobartians & Ex-Hobartians’…
First and foremost, I would like to thank each and every individual that has/had and is still contributing to my life learning experiences that I have gained/are still gaining throughout my stay in wonderful Tasmania. Thank you for all the memories, both positive and negative ones…they have undoubtedly contributed make me the person that I am today…
My intention for typing this out is not to target any specific individual but it is just something that I need to get off my chest before I can start my work proper. It has been bugging me the past two days…in both my waking hours and when I am sleeping…and hopefully after this it will stop bugging me and let me concentrate on more IMPORTANT stuffs like getting my research project done before I F off from this place and end my INCOMPLETE journey.
For the records…I have NOT graduated and sadly I am STILL a student of the university with this last unit to complete before I eventually and hopefully graduate at the end of the year unless some other shit (my own doings or otherwise) come up and spoil the plan again. And since I am leaving wonderful Tasmania for good despite the fact that I have NOT graduated, I had/have been busy with getting things packed and sent back home (the amount of crap that I owned is unbelievable-17 bags and boxes…mon dieu!), clearing and cleaning out the house over the weekend and I am now homeless and living out of my suitcase, trying to settle and sort out important things that needs to be done before I depart as well as write a decent research paper which is meant to be for one WHOLE semester in TWO WEEKS. So do excuse me if I forget important things like feed the cat, play around with the birds and bask around in the sun…
I understand that every one has their own problems, irregardless of the size and I am not asking for sympathy or help…I am and have been dealing with them in my own way and even if it is not the best way…I also understand that I may seem snobbish, ungrateful, selfish, bitchy etc etc but I am just trying to do what is best for myself at the moment and I do sincerely apologise if the actions that I take have hurt anyone, close or otherwise. For once…let me finish up my journey proper and let the sacrifeces that my FAMILY has made be worth their every effort. It is hard to make everyone happy and I had been trying to make everybody happy at the expense of my family’s sacrifices and I guess the end result has showed this…Everybody is going back with what they are supposed to obtain except for yours truly. I am grateful that my parents are my parents because if I am in their shoes, I would have told myself to go and fly kite. So do excuse my anti-social and ungrateful behaviour…
I do not want to leave Tasmania angry. And trust me…even if I don’t show it or say it, I do appreciate every thing and every help that I had received. I also believe that one should not expect returns for the kindness that they bestow upon others. I have been silent about alot of things and take most sarcasms, criticisms, gossips etc lightly that I can’t keep it all in anymore…and I am doing my best to be as discreet as possible with what I say here and to choose my words carefully because like I said earlier, I have no intention of hurting anyone…
I have been mentally, emotionally, physically and just plain exhausated especially that last couple of days even if it doesn’t show literally. As much as I hate to type this entry out and having to explain my actions, I needed to do it because I have been too selfish and self-absorbed that I have neglected my responsibility as a friend. It is easy for people to be sarcastic and accuse others of negligence when the better thing to do is to actually ask why people do what they do…always give them the benefit of the doubt…
In conclusion…it has never been in my intention to forget about anyone that I meet in wonderful Tasmania but sometimes plans don’t go accordingly due to unforseen circumstances…I am begging for people to stop torturing me with mental anguish because I might do or say something that may spoil the friendship or relationship and I really don’t want to do that. And once again I apologise if I have hurt anyone here…and I do hope for the best for everyone in their present and future…
