Somethin’ to feed da B.O.R.E.D.O.M

‘Waktu terasa semakin berlalu

Tinggalkan cerita tentang kita

Akan tiada lagi kini tawamu tuk’ hapuskan semua sepi dihati…’

She’s not here because…She’s in Saudi working…or She’s in Sri Lanka visiting…She’ll be back…She’s not gone…I can still hear her laughter, see her smile, confide in her, touch her, see her…She’s not gone…She’s still here with us…

These thoughts have enabled me get through these past one week…They have enabled me to look at Shamin who is a spitting image of her without bursting into tears…Mummy has also been reminiscing…The memories…they do hurt…When I read a dear friend’s blog, I couldn’t stop the tears…There are so many things that I had wanted to do but can never now…

Denial…these are all part of a really bad dream…just like the ones I had too frequently when I was in Hobart…when I get up, everything will be okay again…She will be there…alive and well…it’s a just a very bad, bad dream…

Wake up…please wake up…

"When  we were still in secondary school Dee, we used to walk to school together. You’d
tell me about this really great lady, your aunt, who defied
conventions, went to work abroad as a nurse, fell in love, and against
all odds, made it a fairytale ending.

I loved
to hear you tell me about her letters home to you. Cos it was a link to
the world outside I had never been to and never seen. I still remember
you telling me about a concert that the Saudi police werent too happy
about, or the places she travelled to. Did you ever know that?She
was in our eyes, the bravest and courageous one around, and I believe
she remained till her last day on Earth, still very much the fighter.

Al-Fateha, to the aunt, the sister,the wife and the mother that everyone mourns.

Hang
in there dear, we love you very much and hope you’re dealing well with
this loss.I think I see a fighter as much in you, as we admired in her,
all those years ago.

What I would pay, for words that could actually comfort, instead of extending your grief."

P.S (Thank you to all who have been there for me…and thanks Sarah for the really beautiful entry above which reflects on part of what I want to but can’t yet type up for the woman I’ve idolised all my life…)

Setiap insan pasti merasa saat perpisahan terakhir
Dunia yang fana akan di tinggalkan
Hanya amalan yang dibawa
Terdengar sayup surah dibaca
Sayunya alunan suara…

Berpisah sudah segalanya
Yang tinggal hanyalah kenangan
Diiring doa dan airmata
Yang pergi tak akan kembali lagi…

—————————————

‘If only tears were laughters,
If only night was day
If only prayers were answered…’

Can’t believe that the star will shine no more…It has been…less than a week…what ifs and whys are not useful in overcoming the loss but they are inevitable…can’t cry, can’t sleep, can’t believe it happened…barely a month since the death of an uncle, an aunt whom had been…had…god…past tense…my source of strength and one of the very few who actually understands me had to go…she was fighting till the very end…god…can’t complete this entry…

Nobody knows who I really am

I never felt this empty before

And if I ever need someone to come along

Who’s gonna comfort me and keep me strong?

We are all rowing the boat of fate

The waves keep on coming and we can’t escape…

bloody hot.

And feet swelled up to twice their size the moment I touched down. How monstrous. Urrghh. The humidity and the heat was like a slap to my face and I found it so hard to breathe cos’ of the thickness of the moisture in the air. There are so much changes.
I got lost…bwahaha…or thought I was…
Took the bus from the new bus stop to get to Woodlands and I couldn’t help but stare at this little screen that pinpoints your exact location. It is the same for mobile phones as well. ‘They’ actually know where you are. If you get lost, just look at your mobile screen and it tells you where you blardy are. My god.
The food here is getting better. There are soo many choices and unfortunately, my tummy can’t take them all in at the same time…haha…I am actually suffering right now cos I’ve eaten too much oily and spicy stuffs and my poor tummy is so suffering…so for the next few hours…haha…maybe days, I am sticking to healthier alternatives…hhmmm…maybe not…enjoy now, suffer later. My life’s motto…bwahaha.
Yet to hit the clubs. After I am use to the weather probably. But I won’t die if I don’t go after I see the amount of ‘minahs’ and ‘mats’ that have dramatically increased over these two years and the same goes for the minah tudungs who are not behaving like minah tudungs. Sorry, but my idea is a minah tudung is still very chaste-like. Call me close-minded, conservative…whatever…My stand about this still stays. (Thank God, for people like Sarah who is still the best tudung girl that I know around in Singapore)
Materialism…another thing that I am beginning to detest…alot…it’s on rampage here.
Bring me back to the good and simple Tassie life.
Overall, after being here for…hmmm…three days…(God!it already feel like I’ve been here for ages!!)…I would say that there’s nothing much to miss but my family and friends.

This is what you get for staying away for far too long. Two blardy years. And now I have to ‘re-climatise’ to the weather and everything else of my country of birth. And I am not in the best of mood at all. Tired, sleepy and irritable, I am thinking of Tassie so much that it is making me hate that ***** even more.