Somethin’ to feed da B.O.R.E.D.O.M

All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go

I’m standing here outside your door

I hate to wake you up to say goodbye

But the dawn is breaking it’s early morn

The taxi’s waiting, it’s blowin’ its horn

Already I’m so lonesome, I could die

So kiss me and SMILE for me

Tell me that you will wait for me

Hold me like you’ll never let me go

I’m leaving on a jet plane

Don’t know when I’ll be back again

Oh babe, I hate to go…

Dream about the days to come…

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Smile for me…It might not be the wisest of the decisions but I need to get it out of my system before it kills me slowly…

Already emotionally spent and mentally exhausted…I can’t keep up with the farce anymore soon…especially since there’s other factors contributing to my mental and emotional anguish…bah! I don’t want to use anger and hatred to counter the heartache anymore…It has only been two weeks of being an angry biatch and it is already that exhausting and tiring…

Before that wall that I’ve been building up these past few months starts to completely crumble in the worst way possible, I need to go and do what I feel is the best to strengthen it again…and I don’t mean to burden anyone with this decision…I am so sorry if it does…I just NEED to do it…

I can’t sleep…three more hours…

First stop…Sydney…here I come…yay! Krispie Kreme donuts!!!

Thank you for understanding and making the decision I’ve made so much easier to be carried out…

I miss you so  much that it hurts so bad even after two years…soon…

My hands were shaking so bad when I send out that email to SSS committee members…why? I guess cos’ I’ve finally done what I have been wanting to do for the past two years…and its actually happening…oh my god…i actually did it…

My feelings are so mixed up right now…the future uncertain once again…

Seize the day…You only live once…

And I don’t want to live my life filled with ‘what ifs’ and regrets…

Gomen…My heart will be back where it truly belongs real soon:)

"Dreams are made of glasses. So easily are they shattered"

I agree.

Dreams. They can be so fragile and so easily broken. But it is not impossible to mend broken dreams. Like shattered glasses, they can be mended again. Much effort and time has to put into mending them though.

The finishing line is there…almost…but there are too much obstacles…Need to get rid of them…

Need to put mind and heart at peace

The instinct has been getting stronger and stronger.

Need to act on it. Not on impulse. A necessity which some will never understand.

Hope the decision is the right one.

Guide me home.

Had a really yummy mocktail made by no other than the best chef/bartender in Hobart, a slice of really orgasmic chocolate cake in the company of a really great group of people…
at Wrestpoint’s Bird Cage…to celebrate Sree’s birthday…yesterday…
Never felt comfortable with new people but soon enough I was chatting away about…well…religion…heh…and no…it was not with Vijay…though it would have been quite interesting to hear his point of views about certain issues that were discussed…heh…
was supposed to be there for an hour or two max…but ended up staying for four…until Naz rescued me so I can go home and STUDY.
Oh…and someone thought I was Chinese…me Chinese? and another thought I was Native American…what da?
Weird…
I am M.A.L.A.Y…not Malaysian…MALAY…MALAY…MALAY…
and after my race has been firmly identified, the conversation started and it eventually led to the question…
‘Are you Muslim?’
and I spend half of the night talking about religion. Wished the above mentioned person was there…he really could have contributed much to the conversations…heh…
All these made me forget about everything for a while…Thank you…

Just what I needed…
Know that I am supposed to hibernate and study but just couldn’t declined the God-Blessed invitation…any chance…or good excuse to get out of this shit hole for a while is blissful…
Am so glad that Friday is coming…it normally lasts for a week…shit coming one after another that is…My patience and endurance are at their ends…so please let these all end…please…please…

Actually remembered something…
‘The world is a stage and we are all mere actors’

Acting, Pretending…how astounding…had about enough of that shit…
Trust…what a joke…once broken can never be mended….never in MY dictionary
Promises…are just made to be broken…over and over and over..again…
‘Cukolded’…a word that came out once too many times in Shakespeare’s writings…
‘I pity thee cukolded fool’…no wonder he’s called the Great Bard…

Shakespeare…why am I talking about him now? Guess my conscience is telling me to ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS SCREEN AND START STUDYIN!! BAKAAAA!’

A reminder…

Nothing in life is permanent.

Not anger.Not hatred.

Not happiness.Not sadness.

Not love.

Nothing.

We are all living on borrowed time.

‘Berpisah sudah segalanya

Yang tinggal hanyalah kenangan

Diiring doa dan airmata

Yang pergi takkan kembali lagi’

P.S: Gomenasai…I am not pushing anyone away but I just wanna be alone for now. I hope you understand.

And I hope there’s no idiot out there who thinks that I am hiding in my room or away from people for the wrong reason…Even in the darkest hour, I will still defend myself if attacked…This is my promise.

I couldn’t cry…not that I didn’t want to…I just couldn’t…

The week just flew past me…well, time really flies when you are doing something but this is too fast…

I still find it hard to believe that they were actually here…10 hours ago…and now they are gone…I think I am still in denial…nothing feels different…it feels like my normal day in tassie…sleep,get up, eat, watch naruto, do a bit of studying, blog…until I look around my room and notice the remnants of our one week together…but it still feels unreal…like the one week was just a something I made up in my mind from missing them…

Thank you for reminding me what home feels like…I love you gals…

and of course a big thank you to all my darls here in Tassie as well for making the dreaded day feels less painful…Thanks for all the wishes and all the trouble that everyone took in the midst of this busy period to make me happy:)

This is a beautiful song from…well…Naruto…heh…yes…yes…I know I am getting a little too obsessed here…heh…I can’t help it…:P

Anyway, the song is not from the opening or the ending…it is from episode 182 where Natsuhi sang it to her son when he was young…The episode is titled, ‘Remembered Lullaby’ and it is about a mother sacrificing everything for well…her son and the good of the village…sigh…

I cried, not when she died but when she came back after she died and the song came on…I can’t believe I actually cried…hahaha…but it was really touching…

I miss my mum…sigh…

Well…it’s not long now…it’s not too long…I just wanna give her a really tight hug when I see her…I wanna be her little girl again…

Natsuhiboshi…Summer Star (can’t believe someone thought that it was a bad word when I put it on my nick…kekeke)

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NATSUHIBOSHI (Summer Star)

Natsuhiboshi naze akai?

(Why is the summer star red?)

Yuube kanashii yume wo mita

(Last night I had a sad dream)

Naite hanashita, akai me yo

(I was crying and talking with red eyes)

Natsuhiboshi naze mayou?

(Why has the summer star lost its way?)

Kieta warashi wo sagashiteru

(I know such childish stories)

Dakara kanashii yume wo miru

(That’s why I have such sad dreams)